Wednesday, November 17, 2010

What If Teachers Had Teleprompters? (Humor)

Teleprompter for Teachers in grades 3-5
This video below (from The Onion) is tongue-in-cheek (and very funny BTW) but it made me wonder how long before teacher's every word is scripted as well? As it is, we must read from a script for standardized testing. Not permitted to deviate from the script, confusion arises when we must then read the final sentence--> "Are there any questions?"I'm often afraid to respond because it's not in the script. After all, I did sign a form stating that any deviation can result in loss of license, a large fine or arrest.

On the other hand, scripting every teacher's utterances is not a bad idea. Think of all the problems that would be avoided:

  1. No longer will parents have fuel to compare one teacher to another. All teachers will abide by their scripts and teleprompters will be made available for teachers who can demonstrate a need for their own 504 plan.
  2. Teachers will no longer labor over the autonomy of creating their own learning experiences for their students, and mediocrity will finally be achieved. This removes one of educations primary goals. We can then move on to more important things, like tagging students' ears with their latest standardized test scores.
  3. Differentiated learning will still be a must, but regardless of each student's deficiency, the script will dictate exactly what to say and do. This makes lesson planning much easier for teachers, freeing up time to confirm what every non-teacher already knows teachers do all day; drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, while waiting for the exact contractual moment to go home. 
  4. Principals can conduct staff meetings and address teachers' concerns prior to the meeting itself (that is, if he has a copy of their scripts). Unscripted questions will remain unanswered or upon principal's discretion a 400 page document outlining how to manage non-scripted questions will be provided in hard-copy AND emailed as a 30MB file.
  5. Teachers will be most efficient in their downtime. They will no longer be able to engage in gossip, as they are so used to. All non-academic conversations will be dealt with swiftly.
  6. Parents will be sent a list of pre-approved questions to ask during parent-teacher conferences. Perhaps being the best perk of all, this eliminates any surprises that teachers would otherwise face during these awkward encounters.
  7. Teachers won't have to worry about students with special needs. There will be a single group of non-scripted educators who will be allowed to pull-out students as needed. Per the script, each class will have no more than 2 students who may take advantage of this differentiation. This level of educators will be formed from teachers who demonstrate consistent mastery of said script.
  8. Equity above all else! For teachers who deviate from the script, there will Due Process for handling such matters. The Due Process will consist of the following interventions (in order):
    1. Written warning
    2. Mentor provided to model the script. For every sentence or phrase uttered to students by the mentor, non-compliant teachers will repeat the phrase. Students will then hear the script twice, however this will be expected as the teacher's written warning will have already become public record.
    3. Two-day suspension with pay. During this suspension, said teacher will be placed at a bus facility where no script is necessary as bus drivers are no longer to speak to the students anyway.
    4. Revocation of teaching license or reassignment to Florida DOE. Along with other reassigned deviants, said teacher may make major decisions affecting education; using a script.
  9. If a student asks an unexpected question (due to the nature of his/her script), said student will be provided with his/her own alternative student-version script. Repeated violations will result in extra non-graded, non-checked homework, repetitive non-checked worksheets and additional standardized assessments.
  10. Principals will no longer need to visit classrooms. The principal can simply refer to each teacher's script and time schedule in order to know what is happening in each class. This allows the principals extra time to, you know, play the stock market.
See? Scripting teachers is actually a good idea and I'm sure our law makers are already on it. Have I forgotten anything? 




Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner

5 comments:

Dan.Eliot said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Lisa Parisi said...

I love it. I taught a lesson last week with the book in front of me so I could follow the script. Not kidding. We are close to teleprompters. I always hate, during standardized testing, when a child asks a question that will be answered later in the script. I tell them to wait, I will get there. It's a joke.

Deven Black (@spedteacher) said...

Don't laugh, but NYC used scripted literacy lessons for a couple of years in the late stages of the 20th Century. Frankly, considering how little the current education leadership (our Mayor and his acolytes) think of teachers, I'm surprised they're not providing scripts again.

IMC Guy said...

It's going to happen. Unfortunately, sooner than we want.

Scott S. Floyd said...

Already happening in TX in districts where they don't trust their staff. It is called C-SCOPE and does nothing but make the teacher a parrot for test prep and does nothing for learning. It won't be used in our district.