Not for nothing, but what's next? Perhaps wealthy (Did I hear someone say, "Boca?") parents should be the first focus group. How about:
- Dinner Over a Distance: Parents who are across the globe can now enjoy the full experience of mealtime with their kids. Includes automatic spit activation for families with kids younger than two and whining that "this" tastes nothing like "real chicken nuggets!"
- Tantrum Over a Distance: No more "Wait Till Daddy Gets Home!" Now Daddy can discipline the little brat across 3 time zones. Includes "swiss cheese" paddle and computer generated voice that keeps repeating, "This is hurting me more than it's hurting you!"
- Sex Talk Over a Distance: Who says you have to be there in person to tell your kids about the Birds and The Bees? Sex Talk Over a Distance comes complete with a slide show, diagrams, animations, sample box of condoms and a coupon for a free bunch of bananas.
- Graduation (or other Big Event) Over a Distance: Can't be there for the real thing? School district didn't consult you when planning their graduation ceremonies? Automatic ATM distributes the big check, car, or other "keeping up with the Jones' gift" and in return a computer generated thank you card (complete with generic Hallmark poem) spits out at the other side. For an few extra dollars, Graduation Over a Distance can include an appropriate Nanny to proudly sit in for you.